Let's Chat How I've Really Felt

I started this blog about 2 years ago with the idea that I could document my life as I entered my 20s to share the good the bad and the ugly sides of growing up, sharing tips and tricks along the way.  I have always loved doing it and over the past few months in particular, I have found it a HUGE help in distracting my mind from the crazy situation we are in and I hope it helped do this for others as well, even if it was for only a few minutes. 

However,  I do feel with blogs and social media, people can get lost in what is really going on and what people really feel.  Just because that is what you see or read, doesn’t mean it is the whole truth.  I mean do you really think for the past three months I woke up every day and had a full face of makeup on, a cute outfit and went on a run every day..... no chance haha! The thing to remember with a lot of social media and blogs is that people share what they want you to see, including me. 

You may have noticed that I have not spoken much about the current situation and if I’m honest it’s because I didn’t know what to say....I didn’t want to think about it.... I was in my little bubble of baking, reading and sunbathing in the garden, so that is what I shared with you.  I guess you could say I was distracted and trying not to think about what was going on outside my front door and in a way I wanted to help distract some of you from all of the crazy.

For us in the UK this week in particular has seen lockdown restrictions ease.  As this has happened, I have found myself reflecting on the past 3 months.  Like I said before, I started this blog as a way to document my life and share this with you in the hope that it helps some of you whether that be with tips, recommendations or even to reassure you that you are not alone.  With that being said,  I wanted to share with you how I really felt during lockdown and how I am feeling now we are coming out. So, grab a cuppa tea and a biscuit.... this could get deep!

When the virus first began to hit the UK, I remember feeling very scared and anxious as people began to panic, supermarket shelves were bare, restaurants were empty and retail shops closed their doors. It all seemed to happen so fast and I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on.  When we first went into lockdown, I remember leaving my office at work a few days prior thinking we would be back to work after a few weeks. I remember seeing my boyfriend saying we would see each other soon thinking we would be reunited in a few weeks.  Not once did I think 3 months later and I would still not be back in the office and only allowed just allowed to see my boyfriend.  I was upset and frustrated that this was happening and I had no control over it.  That along with the fear of the unknown did not help my anxiety.  After spending the first week in bed in tears, I finally decided I had to get up and do something to distract myself.  So, I kept myself in a little bubble where I would bake, paint my nails, sun bathe and work on my blog and Instagram.

Some may think I’m crazy when I say this, but once I got myself out of this dark place I did enjoy being in my little bubble.  I got to do things I don’t normally have time for and I liked that I had more time to focus on me. I learnt a lot about myself and those I love and there are many things I would like to continue doing now we are coming out of lockdown.

When I say I was enjoying time in my little bubble, that isn’t to say I wasn’t aware of what was going on outside my house.  I found myself almost addicted to the news watching it every day at 5pm to see what announcements came finding my tummy tighten more as the days went on.  I couldn’t and still can’t believe how surreal this whole this was and still is.  At times I still find myself asking if I am dreaming.   I did have my bad days, we all did!  I found distance from my boyfriend difficult, I lost a family member and my job. There were times where I found myself focusing on the negatives and had days where I didn’t get up and didn’t do anything. But I have tried not to let those feelings consume me, and I tell myself to have the down day (get it out my system) then I picked myself up and get on with it trying to focus on the positives.

If I’m being 100% honest I think I have found coming out of lockdown harder than going into it. I was very anxious about the whole idea as I knew things would not be the same but I didn’t know what to expect. When first seeing people for social distancing meet-ups it did feel very strange at first, but we soon forgot why we were sat 2 metres apart and just accepted it as conversation and laughter filled the air. It took a few trips to shops to get used to the new normal of queuing, one way systems, masks and sneeze screens.  But as the days have gone on, I have found myself doing things such as 2 metre social distancing, queuing and hand sanitising without even thinking about it - so I guess you could say I am getting used to the new normal.  

This whole thing still isn’t over and anxiety with the fear of the unknown is still there, some days better than others.  But I am trying to take each day as it comes as that is all we can do right now.  I have learnt to accept that not every day is going to be great and that is okay.  We all experience things differently.  So, I just wanted to be honest with you all and let you know what has really been going on the past few months as Instagram and past blog posts are just a snippet of my life.  We all have our good and bad days surrounding the current situation and that is okay. I hope this post has helped some of you, I am always here for a chat if you need!

What I've been reading

Now we all have a lot more time on our hands, I have been able to do things that I would normally not have time to do.  One thing I have LOVED doing over the past 4 weeks is reading. I have always enjoyed reading, however I only really got the chance to properly immerse myself into a good book was when on holiday which was about 2 weeks a year! I was very lucky to be given a Kindle from my parents for Christmas and thank god I did as it has come in very handy during this time.  During these crazy times, I have reading to be a good escape from the world as I dive into another and it has helped me relax as I turn away from my phone for a few minutes or hours a day. 

So, this week I thought I would share with you some of the books I have been reading in the hope that it gives you some inspiration or ideas for your next read. 

Book 1 - The Wives by Lauren Weisberger

I had been wanting to read this book for AGES as it is the sequel to 'A Devil Wears Prada' which although I have not read the book, it is one of my all time favourite movies.  I can not express how much I loved this book.  It was a funny and uplifting which is great for the current times to lift your mood.  It shows how strong friendship and women who work together can achieve anything!  I also like how it follows three different women all going through something, proving it doesn't matter how much money or power you have, we all face similar fears and troubles in life. It had chapters taking the point of view from each character which sometimes can be confusing, but Lauren made it seamless and it was a nice easy read which I couldn't put down!  Would defiantly recommend if you are looking for a funny and encouraging read. 

Book 2 - Everyone Worth Knowing by Lauren Weisberger 

I loved Lauren's style of writing so much, I had to explore her other books and I came across this one.  Again, a nice lighthearted and funny read great to boost your mood in current times.  We follow Bette as she leaves her horrible job, faces the question of 'what are you going to do with your life' and soon steps into a completely different world of parties and VIPs.  It did remind me of the Devil Wears Prada which is probably why I loved it.  It shows the life of celebrities isn't all that and how important the friends and family you had before the glitz and glam really is. Although I didn't find I was as hooked on this one as The Wives, I would still recommend it as a good easy read if you are looking for a funny chick flick with a hint of romance!

Book 3 - Found by Eric Kinsley 

This was a completely different book to the first two I have read as it follows the story of a family whose little boy was taken. As much as love a upbeat comedy book, I am a sucker for a gripping thriller and that is exactly what this was.  Another book I could not put down as the first chapter drew me in.  This was not quite what I had expected when I first read the title as it follows the different relationships between the family and focuses on the healing process just as much as the detective who took him process. The characters and their movements where so well written in a sensitive way and the relationship between grandad and grandson in particular was beautiful to read.  As much as this was a great thriller, this book is great in showing how families who stay together and support each other during difficult times are stronger. 

Book 4 - Grown Ups by Marian Keyes

I have only really just started this book, however I thought I would tell you what I think so far.  After a bit more of a heavier read with 'Found' I wanted a change of scenery with another lighthearted read and this was describes as Sunday Times best seller so I thought I would check it out.  A story that follows the holiday antics of a large family, we get to see the troubles and thoughts of a big family all with different ages, characteristics and opinions. Each chapter follows a different character which can work well, however with it being such as large family I have found this confusing at times as I forget who is married to who or who is related to who. But, I think as I read more, I will remember haha! So far, it is an upbeat and humorous read which I have found easy to pick up and put down as I feel. I will let you know when I have finished it and my thought - so keep an eye out on my insta! 

I hope you found this helpful when looking at what books you might enjoy. I would love to know what you have been reading and which books you would recommend, so leave a comment below!

Stay safe!

New Year goals

In some ways January is one of my favourite times of the year, as for me, it's a fresh start. I am one of those people who like to set myself goals of things I would like to improve on for the next year. I try to make these as relaxed as possible and not to be too specific by setting dates or targets, so then if I don’t achieve them it is not such a big deal.

This year going into a new decade, I have tried to think not just about goals for 2020, but for the next 10 years. In this post I thought I would share these with you...

Goals for 2020:

1)      Run 10miles – Now I know earlier I said I wasn’t going to make my goals specific, but this one has a good reason. At the end of October I will be running 10 miles to raise money for a charity close to my heart (more on this in a blog post to come). So, this has now become one of my 2020 goals and is the first ‘target goal’ I have had in years.

2)      Skin care routine – I have wanted to get into the habit of having a skin care routine for a while now but have never quite found the time or have simply forgotten about it. I would say I am very lucky in that I rarely get spots except the odd hormonal one which are like second heads! However, I have always said it is important to look after you skin whether you get lots of spots or none at all.  So, this year I am going to start in the hope that it continues over the next decade.  

3)      Read more – I have always enjoyed reading and found it nice way to relax and get lost in another world. However, I always say I never have time for it meaning I only really read when on holiday. For Christmas I was very lucky and got a kindle from my parents, I was so excited and couldn’t wait to use it! I have now made it half way through a book by simply putting down my phone in the evenings and have found it so relaxing.

Goals for the next decade:

1)      Don’t care about what people think – I think this is something everyone goes through at some point in their life. I have always thought that this was something that got easier with age and for me I feel this is true. In some aspects of my life or at certain times I feel I don’t care what people think, yet in other times I do care and let it take control of me. This is something I want to change over the next decade as quite frankly I am tired of letting my thoughts of what people MAY think rule what I wear, what I do or how I feel.

2)      Look after me more – I want to start doing this in a number of ways and start putting my mental and physical health as more of a priority.

One way in which I will do this is by keeping my fitness levels up and eating healthier. Last year I reduced the amount of sugary squash I was drinking and swapped to water and green tea and it made the world of difference! Since the start of the year I have been going to the gym more and found this has been a great way to release stress and anger from work and life.

Another way I will do this is by thinking more about myself. Getting rid of negative people and doing things I want to do by saying NO more. I have always struggled with saying no or thinking more about other people than myself. This has lead me to do things I don't always want to do and missing out on things I do want to do as a result. But over the next decade, I hope to get out of this and starting thinking about me and what I want. 

So, these are my new year and new decade goals. I will have to remember this post and look back on it in the next 10 years to find out whether I stuck to them or not...

Dyslexia: My Story

This week I thought I would talk to you about something a little more serious than what’s in my uni bag or what I eat in a day. So grab a cuppa and a biscuit and get cosy for today I thought I would chat to you about dyslexia.

Dyslexia is a specific learning difficulty that causes problems with particular abilities used for learning such as reading or writing. It is estimated 1 in every 10 people in the UK have some form of dyslexia, including me. So, I thought I would share with you my story and maybe help some of you who may also suffer with it.

When I moved into senior school and began doing summer exams I was aware that my memory wasn’t the best and so would always have to go over and over and over things before they stuck in my head. I found I would have to start revising way before all my friends but I just thought that was how my brain worked. I don’t want to toot my own horn or anything but I always did fairly well in any tests and exams and my reports were always good. I was a hard worker who was always well organised with my only major academic flaw being that I tended to use small words as I struggled to spell more academic words.

Before we started our GCSE’s the whole year took an online test to check for dyslexia. A few girls were selected but I wasn’t, so carried on my study as usual. Although I felt I could have used the extra time as I was often left rushing to finish the last few questions, I was very happy with my GCSE results coming out with 2 A’s and 7 B’s and getting into my first choice college.

At college, I took on 3 very heavy writing subjects of English Lang/Lit, Business Studies and History and found that I was a lot slower when taking notes or writing during times tests than my friends. My history teacher picked this up and recommended I go to the learning support team to be tested, so I did. It is here where I was told I had a type of dyslexia where my memory, my ability to process information and my writing speed are affected. They explained to me how I and would need to use a laptop, have extra time during exams and attend weekly learning support sessions.

If I’m being completely honest, I didn’t fully understand what dyslexia was and I did feel as though I was stupid. However, it did make the way I work make sense. I always tell people I have a memory like a fish and now I know why.... I always had to study twice as hard as everyone else and now I know it’s because I take longer to process the information I am learning/ reading and I now know why I stick to basic language within my work.

After finishing college and getting into my first choice uni, I was a little worried about how this may affect me, as I know the level of work expected was to rise. But in week 2/3 one of the ladies from the Academic Resource Centre came to talk to use in graduate success and I knew where I could go for help. I made an appointment, explained my situation and she instantly understood me and how I work. Since then, I have seen her weekly for the past 3 years for help on understanding my assignment briefs and proof reading my work whilst helping to expand my vocabulary.

Last summer I took another dyslexia test in a bit more detail to help out one of the team with her training and was able to use the results to get further help from the government. I was able to get some amazing programs on my laptop that help me take notes in lectures, record my lectures and have the ability to highlight and save key parts. I was also given a reading ruler for both on screen and off which has helped massively with my reading! A system to help me research online was also provided along with a system that helps with reviewing my work checking spelling, punctuation and grammar and allows me to listen to my work aloud. I am so grateful for these tools and can’t believe the difference they have made to my studies!

Since being diagnosed in 2015 I have learnt that just because you have a form of dyslexia doesn’t mean you are stupid. It doesn’t mean you can’t get high grades and it doesn’t mean you can’t do anything you want to do. It simply means you need to work a little harder and get a little help. It can be a little frustrating when some people do it the night before and get similar results, but unfortunately that is how things work.

I am also more aware of how common it is and am no longer embarrassed about talking about it. So, for those of you who are struggling with dyslexia whilst at university, I would defiantly recommend going to Academic Skills Centre as they can help you out with you work and give you tips and tricks on revision and writing techniques. Don’t be afraid to talk about it and don’t be nervous to ask for help.

If you do want to find out more about dyslexia you can have a look on the NHS website or you are more than welcome to leave a comment and I can help as best I can!