I started this blog about 2 years ago with the idea that I could document my life as I entered my 20s to share the good the bad and the ugly sides of growing up, sharing tips and tricks along the way. I have always loved doing it and over the past few months in particular, I have found it a HUGE help in distracting my mind from the crazy situation we are in and I hope it helped do this for others as well, even if it was for only a few minutes.
However, I do feel with blogs and social media, people can get lost in what is really going on and what people really feel. Just because that is what you see or read, doesn’t mean it is the whole truth. I mean do you really think for the past three months I woke up every day and had a full face of makeup on, a cute outfit and went on a run every day..... no chance haha! The thing to remember with a lot of social media and blogs is that people share what they want you to see, including me.
You may have noticed that I have not spoken much about the current situation and if I’m honest it’s because I didn’t know what to say....I didn’t want to think about it.... I was in my little bubble of baking, reading and sunbathing in the garden, so that is what I shared with you. I guess you could say I was distracted and trying not to think about what was going on outside my front door and in a way I wanted to help distract some of you from all of the crazy.
For us in the UK this week in particular has seen lockdown restrictions ease. As this has happened, I have found myself reflecting on the past 3 months. Like I said before, I started this blog as a way to document my life and share this with you in the hope that it helps some of you whether that be with tips, recommendations or even to reassure you that you are not alone. With that being said, I wanted to share with you how I really felt during lockdown and how I am feeling now we are coming out. So, grab a cuppa tea and a biscuit.... this could get deep!
When the virus first began to hit the UK, I remember feeling very scared and anxious as people began to panic, supermarket shelves were bare, restaurants were empty and retail shops closed their doors. It all seemed to happen so fast and I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on. When we first went into lockdown, I remember leaving my office at work a few days prior thinking we would be back to work after a few weeks. I remember seeing my boyfriend saying we would see each other soon thinking we would be reunited in a few weeks. Not once did I think 3 months later and I would still not be back in the office and only allowed just allowed to see my boyfriend. I was upset and frustrated that this was happening and I had no control over it. That along with the fear of the unknown did not help my anxiety. After spending the first week in bed in tears, I finally decided I had to get up and do something to distract myself. So, I kept myself in a little bubble where I would bake, paint my nails, sun bathe and work on my blog and Instagram.
Some may think I’m crazy when I say this, but once I got myself out of this dark place I did enjoy being in my little bubble. I got to do things I don’t normally have time for and I liked that I had more time to focus on me. I learnt a lot about myself and those I love and there are many things I would like to continue doing now we are coming out of lockdown.
When I say I was enjoying time in my little bubble, that isn’t to say I wasn’t aware of what was going on outside my house. I found myself almost addicted to the news watching it every day at 5pm to see what announcements came finding my tummy tighten more as the days went on. I couldn’t and still can’t believe how surreal this whole this was and still is. At times I still find myself asking if I am dreaming. I did have my bad days, we all did! I found distance from my boyfriend difficult, I lost a family member and my job. There were times where I found myself focusing on the negatives and had days where I didn’t get up and didn’t do anything. But I have tried not to let those feelings consume me, and I tell myself to have the down day (get it out my system) then I picked myself up and get on with it trying to focus on the positives.
If I’m being 100% honest I think I have found coming out of lockdown harder than going into it. I was very anxious about the whole idea as I knew things would not be the same but I didn’t know what to expect. When first seeing people for social distancing meet-ups it did feel very strange at first, but we soon forgot why we were sat 2 metres apart and just accepted it as conversation and laughter filled the air. It took a few trips to shops to get used to the new normal of queuing, one way systems, masks and sneeze screens. But as the days have gone on, I have found myself doing things such as 2 metre social distancing, queuing and hand sanitising without even thinking about it - so I guess you could say I am getting used to the new normal.
This whole thing still isn’t over and anxiety with the fear of the unknown is still there, some days better than others. But I am trying to take each day as it comes as that is all we can do right now. I have learnt to accept that not every day is going to be great and that is okay. We all experience things differently. So, I just wanted to be honest with you all and let you know what has really been going on the past few months as Instagram and past blog posts are just a snippet of my life. We all have our good and bad days surrounding the current situation and that is okay. I hope this post has helped some of you, I am always here for a chat if you need!
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