Let's chat 2021 goals

We did it, we have got through the first week of 2021! 

I know that sounds rather dramatic but I feel a sense of relief and yet a sense of motivation at the idea that I have got through this week. 

In the past, when a new year hit it felt like a new start and I would feel motivated and ready for what the new year was to bring with goals and aspirations ready to go.  But this year I did not and have never felt more unlike myself and anxious going into the new year.  

These past 7 days have been a real struggle for me as I don't know why but I really thought this year the madness would be over and things would go back to being relatively normal. But they didn't and everything seemed to hit me like a tone of bricks.  I am still not able to see my family, go round for tea, playing games and giving them a hug.  My job has changed and may not go back for a while. My routine is constantly changing with the christmas break, working from home and last minute changes due to the virus. I felt so unmotivated and just wanted to stay in bed with most evenings crying behind closed doors. 

After a pep talk on the phone with my family and my boyfriend being a real rock, I began to feel better towards the end of this week.  I feel more like myself and ready to take on the new year.  I realised that I had to take a step back, focus on one thing at a time and breathe.  There were a few things that got me out of the January blues including a few quotes: 

"I know your sad, so I won't tell you to have a good day.  Instead I simply advise you to 'have a day.'  Stay alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes and don't give up on yourself just yet.  It'll be better soon.  Untill then, have a day." - Unkonwn.

From this, I learnt you do not need to be happy and motivated all the time, infact I think it is quite impossible and that is okay.  It is okay to not be okay.  You don't need to rush into anything and can do things when you are ready.

"Don't forget, you are human.  It's okay to have a meltdown.  Just don't unpack and live there.  Cry it out and refocus on where you are headed." - Hoda Kotb

I hate felling down and negative.  Especially infront of other people as I don't want to be a debbie downer and bring everyone down. So, I would bottle it up and I think it all got ontop of me and I cracked. Although at times I didn't know when it would end and felt rubbish that these negative feelings wouldn't go away, it felt good to have a good cry and I did feel better after a few days.  I am so lucky I have such an amazing boyfriend who was there to comfort me and my family to reassure me everything was going to be okay. 

Now I have had my meltdown, I feel ready to take on the year, one step at a time.  With that being said I wanted to share my goals for this year.  I have said in the past that I don't put pressure on myself to achieve these and try not to make them too specific as I have found that has worked for me.  So, I intend to do that this year too as I set the following goals/aspirations: 

• Enjoy every moment - If this year has taught me anything it is this. Embrace every hug, savour every last word and simply enjoy every minute.

• Keep fit - I really enjoyed fitness last year both running and going the gyms when allowed.  I feel it did wonders for my mental health too, so I want to keep this going this year.  I also have the added and more specific goal within this to run 10 miles.

• Continue to grow my blog - I have absolutely loved my blogging/ instagram platform and everything that has come with it. I have met some amazing people and found a real comfort in it.  It has allowed me to be creative, express myself and have fun and I hope this hobby continues to grow. 

• Stick to a skin care routine - I have said a few times I want to have a good skincare routine and I always seem to start well then stop.  So, I am setting this goal again in the hope that I stick to it.  I got a few new skincare bits for christmas and I can't wait to try them!

I have a few more personal aspirations that I would prefer to keep to myself but right now I am happy with the goals I have set and who knows, as the year goes on I may change them or think of more.  

I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you are all doing okay in light of everything going on right now. If you ever need to chat please leave a comment or my inbox is open on my Instagram. 

Let's Chat How I've Really Felt

I started this blog about 2 years ago with the idea that I could document my life as I entered my 20s to share the good the bad and the ugly sides of growing up, sharing tips and tricks along the way.  I have always loved doing it and over the past few months in particular, I have found it a HUGE help in distracting my mind from the crazy situation we are in and I hope it helped do this for others as well, even if it was for only a few minutes. 

However,  I do feel with blogs and social media, people can get lost in what is really going on and what people really feel.  Just because that is what you see or read, doesn’t mean it is the whole truth.  I mean do you really think for the past three months I woke up every day and had a full face of makeup on, a cute outfit and went on a run every day..... no chance haha! The thing to remember with a lot of social media and blogs is that people share what they want you to see, including me. 

You may have noticed that I have not spoken much about the current situation and if I’m honest it’s because I didn’t know what to say....I didn’t want to think about it.... I was in my little bubble of baking, reading and sunbathing in the garden, so that is what I shared with you.  I guess you could say I was distracted and trying not to think about what was going on outside my front door and in a way I wanted to help distract some of you from all of the crazy.

For us in the UK this week in particular has seen lockdown restrictions ease.  As this has happened, I have found myself reflecting on the past 3 months.  Like I said before, I started this blog as a way to document my life and share this with you in the hope that it helps some of you whether that be with tips, recommendations or even to reassure you that you are not alone.  With that being said,  I wanted to share with you how I really felt during lockdown and how I am feeling now we are coming out. So, grab a cuppa tea and a biscuit.... this could get deep!

When the virus first began to hit the UK, I remember feeling very scared and anxious as people began to panic, supermarket shelves were bare, restaurants were empty and retail shops closed their doors. It all seemed to happen so fast and I couldn’t wrap my head around what was going on.  When we first went into lockdown, I remember leaving my office at work a few days prior thinking we would be back to work after a few weeks. I remember seeing my boyfriend saying we would see each other soon thinking we would be reunited in a few weeks.  Not once did I think 3 months later and I would still not be back in the office and only allowed just allowed to see my boyfriend.  I was upset and frustrated that this was happening and I had no control over it.  That along with the fear of the unknown did not help my anxiety.  After spending the first week in bed in tears, I finally decided I had to get up and do something to distract myself.  So, I kept myself in a little bubble where I would bake, paint my nails, sun bathe and work on my blog and Instagram.

Some may think I’m crazy when I say this, but once I got myself out of this dark place I did enjoy being in my little bubble.  I got to do things I don’t normally have time for and I liked that I had more time to focus on me. I learnt a lot about myself and those I love and there are many things I would like to continue doing now we are coming out of lockdown.

When I say I was enjoying time in my little bubble, that isn’t to say I wasn’t aware of what was going on outside my house.  I found myself almost addicted to the news watching it every day at 5pm to see what announcements came finding my tummy tighten more as the days went on.  I couldn’t and still can’t believe how surreal this whole this was and still is.  At times I still find myself asking if I am dreaming.   I did have my bad days, we all did!  I found distance from my boyfriend difficult, I lost a family member and my job. There were times where I found myself focusing on the negatives and had days where I didn’t get up and didn’t do anything. But I have tried not to let those feelings consume me, and I tell myself to have the down day (get it out my system) then I picked myself up and get on with it trying to focus on the positives.

If I’m being 100% honest I think I have found coming out of lockdown harder than going into it. I was very anxious about the whole idea as I knew things would not be the same but I didn’t know what to expect. When first seeing people for social distancing meet-ups it did feel very strange at first, but we soon forgot why we were sat 2 metres apart and just accepted it as conversation and laughter filled the air. It took a few trips to shops to get used to the new normal of queuing, one way systems, masks and sneeze screens.  But as the days have gone on, I have found myself doing things such as 2 metre social distancing, queuing and hand sanitising without even thinking about it - so I guess you could say I am getting used to the new normal.  

This whole thing still isn’t over and anxiety with the fear of the unknown is still there, some days better than others.  But I am trying to take each day as it comes as that is all we can do right now.  I have learnt to accept that not every day is going to be great and that is okay.  We all experience things differently.  So, I just wanted to be honest with you all and let you know what has really been going on the past few months as Instagram and past blog posts are just a snippet of my life.  We all have our good and bad days surrounding the current situation and that is okay. I hope this post has helped some of you, I am always here for a chat if you need!

Going back to uni - How I really feel

Going back to uni should be something students look forward to. You get to see all of your friends, decorate your uni room, experience new things and learn more – exciting right!

But this isn’t always the case. I have told myself that I want to be honest with these blog posts, so I can look back on them and see how I really felt. Although these things are different for everyone, I hope it will help some of you get a better picture of what these things were, and are like for me. So, that is what I am going to do with this post on how I really feel going back to uni this year.

When going back to university for second year, I was excited to see my housemates and course mates having spent the summer going through all of the memories captured on photo and video. I was looking forward to getting back into cheerleading again, after trying to keep up my training over the summer around work. I couldn’t wait to learn more and take the next step to my career. I would also take another step into the life of adulthood as I moved from student accommodation into a house!

However, I knew second year would come with its challenges. I was no longer a first year, meaning my grades meant something more towards my final percentage. The work load would increase and the difficulty level would rise. I also knew a house would come with its own challenges.

Looking back, I’d say I was more excited than nervous to start second year, hoping it would be as amazing as my first year at university.

If I’m being 100% honest, second year for me was challenging. I soon found that things were quite a lot different from first year in many ways. Friendships had changed, family had changed, the course was a lot harder than I thought and I faced more challenges that came with adulthood. I’m sure I will talk about each of these in more detail someday.

I don’t want to be a Debby downer and say it was horrendous, because that wouldn’t be true. But, I would say it was very different to my first year in many aspects and it took me completely off guard. I did have some amazing memories as I did more work experience within the events industry, had some crazy nights out and had great fun competing with the best cheer squad I could ever ask for. However, if I’m being honest I’d say there were more negatives than my first year.

As a result of this, I found over the past week I have made myself very nervous and anxious about going back to university for my third and final year. I have been worried about how friendships may have changed again or how much harder the course will be. I have the pressure of job hunting on my shoulders also, with the idea people are expecting me to get a job in the events industry straight away. I was worried that it may be like second year and that I won’t enjoy it as much as I would like to...

That is when I realised what my problem was when moving from one year to the next. I am comparing it too much to the year before. I have realised now that every year is different. It was at school, college and now university. So my advice to you (and to myself) is this:

Yes, things will get harder and people will grow and change, but these things should just be accepted and embraced. Don’t dwell on the past, make new memories and save the old ones instead of trying to re-create them. Take every day as it comes, they may not all be great but that is part of life and growing up.

Now, having been at uni for a few days, I am looking forward to getting started and creating new memories. I am just going to live my life how I want and try not to let others people opinions on that get in the way. I am going to try and think positive for the future and for this year as much as I can. I know it may be hard at times. But, if you surround yourself with those you love, and do the things you want to do, then good things will come in the end.

Why I chose to go to university

Some of you will know from my previous post that I was never one of those people who knew what I wanted to do with my life.

At the age of 16 I was lucky enough to have the opportunity of working with a wedding and events company who provided venue decor and also any floral pieces for a wedding such as bouquets. I had never considered doing anything like this before, however I thought why not!

During my time there I got to be apart of creating some amazing pieces and helped make couples' dreams come true. I got to see some amazing venue transformations and fell in love with the whole idea of weddings. I loved the beauty in them, the happiness they can bring to a family and the fact that each one is different! I learnt so much more when attending wedding fayres about the wedding and events industry and just how big it was.

By the time I had finished my first year at college, I decided this is what I want to do with my life. 

Yes, I could have stayed on with the company I was with, but I wanted to learn more about events and the different elements of it. By doing this, I felt I could open up more opportunities to both explore other events but also learn the right skills for if I wanted to go solo and be my own manager. So, I began to look into university.

I was quite late to the whole university exploring game as many people I knew began attending open days at the end of first year, but I started looking at the start of second year around October time.

Quick note: If you are thinking about going to university I would strongly recommend attending open days to get a feel for the university.

I looked into both events management and teaching as I had thought about teaching for a little while as something I may want to do, but was unsure on specifics. However, as my work within the wedding industry continued, I fell more and more in love.

After viewing more universities, looking into the courses and speaking to students I felt this was defiantly the right move for me. 

But remember, the fact that it was the right move for me doesn't mean it is the right move for everybody. You have to do what is right for you.

University does cost a lot of money! So, I wouldn't suggest going for the sake of it, as I'm not going to lie, you will come out with a huge debt at a very young age. Yes, the experience is great and I do know people who went to university purely for the social experience. But, personally I think you should go to gain the knowledge and skills you need to get to where you want to be in the future.  It is not for everyone, and if you don't want to go that is okay! There are plenty of other opportunities out there you can do. But for me, university was the right move. 

After attending around 5 open days, I found the one for me!

I chose to go to a university quite far from home (around 2-3 hours) as I had the attitude that if I'm going to go to university, I may as well go away and learn life skills as well as events management skills. After 2 years there, I am so glad I made this decision. I can now cook, clean and wash clothes for myself and just feel I have grown as a person. I have become more confident and independent in myself.

Yes, it can be hard at times when I feel homesick, stressed or am having a bad day. But in life, especially as I become older, I am going to have to deal with these things by myself like an adult. My family are all very supportive and are only a phone call, facetime or drive away. 

I am so glad I made this decision as I have learnt so much and can't wait to put it all into practice someday. 

I hope you have enjoyed this post and that it has helped some of you who may be considering going to university make the right decision for you.